so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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