I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
