Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
