Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
