the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
