I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
