Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
