Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
