does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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