The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
