You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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