soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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