My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
