And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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