Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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