i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
