Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
