im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
