Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The feeling are messing with the penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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