ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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