shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
