grandma shit on top of the toilet
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
