Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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