she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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