seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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