sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
