he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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