I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
