New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
