and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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