Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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