this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
