it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
