bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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