If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
