btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
