...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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