if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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