I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
