It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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