I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
