i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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