bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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