I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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