he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
