Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
