i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
