I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
