so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
