hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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