You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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