someone threw a dead crab at me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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