If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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