i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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