I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone shattered a urinal.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
