are you still at the devil's house?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
