I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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