You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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