I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
