I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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