...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
